Mandingo Fandango v Harrysan’s Heroes

With Angry Vomit getting a thrashing at the hands of the Red Duke’s Bolt Throwers, it was vital for the Fandangos to get a result from their catch-up game against Harrysan’s Heroes.

Thanks to their protracted FA Cup run, the Fandangos had levelled up a few players giving the Heroes some inducements, including a wizard. The fans had high hopes that a lightning bolt to the groin might wake Slither Slob up and cause him to actually “get stuck in” (to utilise the parlance of the terraces).

The Undertaker, Khorne Demon of the Heroes, kicked Slither Slob in the bollocks and that was that. He was out for the rest of the game.

The Fandango’s pestigors floated around the pitch, bobbing and weaving, jive bunny and the master mixers. It wasn’t long before they went 1-0 up, aided by a lamb to the slaughter-rotter keeping The Undertaker busy whilst the Nurgle Warriors set about the Heroes’ cultists like Jimmy Savile’s wang about Peter Pan’s face.

Despite their strength advantage, the Fandangos weren’t causing any casualties and were just nibbling round the edges like flies round a tramp’s ringpiece. Fortunately, the pit to Hell was open and the filth spilled forth, robbing the Heroes of the ball and running in to make it 2-0.

The Undertaker threw a wobbler and decided to kill, but accidentally punched himself in the face. No-one wanted to hit Ko-Naan as they were awestruck by his sheer beauty. How could something so perfect be spawned from the Pit of Flies? No one knows, but as he hobbled round the pitch, his gammy knee popping out pus, a bunch of old men rubbed gravy on each others bottoms and licked it off.

Bum gravy.

The Nurgle shaman danced his victory dance upon the sidelines, spewing forth apocalyptica and snow. The Heroes could not cope with the deluge and it was soon 3-0. The fans sang their souls to the cosmos.

Mandingo Fandango 3-0 Harrysan’s Heroes

NFC table wk 5


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