After the opening game of the season, where the Poisoners ran out as comprehensive winners, coach Alan was a little less worried that his frail monkeys were going to get their heads smashed off in the return game against Paul’s Terrorpins.
With home advantage, the Zees immediately took the game to the turtles from the initial launch when Moonfall scooped up the ball and quickly jinked through the defensive line to open the scoring with a 2-point strike.
The Terrorpin players don’t have names until they perform a particularly noteworthy action, so from the relaunch, the ball was picked up by, oh, I dunno, the turtle named Arrow, who deftly teleported through the defensive line of monkeys and sent a perfect pass sailing through the air with a string of successes.
The catching turtle, named, oh I dunno, Butterfingers, managed to bat the perfect pass halfway across the pitch in the wrong direction, the boos of the crowd ringing in his turtle ears.
Once again the monkeys found themselves in possession, and attempted an audacious score, not because they expected to, but because anyone holding the ball would likely have their head removed by a furious turtle and throwing the ball away would significantly increase life expectancy.
Needless to say, the strike attempt by Bionoghast failed, and his failure was rewarded by the fist of a moody turtle called, oh I dunno, Moodypants being driven into his mush and catapulting him through the air. His body hadn’t even reached the floor before his failing lifesigns triggered the teleport into pitchside intensive care.
Arrow picked up the ball again and sent the most perfect pass to Butterfingers, who only managed to deflect it onto his foot and boot it the wrong way down the pitch.
A few rushes passed with the Zees failing to score and the Teratons failing to inflict any damage, before coach Paul finally took the decision to try and score. He worked turtles into strategic positions and then explained his most convoluted plan to score, involving evading, passing and catching before attempting the strike. I pointed out that the turtle with the ball, called, oh I dunno, Flatface, could just dash an extra hex to get him within range of a 3-point strike. Seeing the sense in this, Paul rolled three 1’s and Flatface splattered his nose all over the nice shiny pitch.
With just moments to spare, the monkeys saw their opportunity as this strike attempt had opened a hole in the turtle’s defence, and Aerohag skipped through to score and open the gap to four points.
The Teratons promptly decided to murderise the Zees and spent their last rush ineffectually tickling them under the armpits.
Bionoghast rolled a 7 and recovered fully.
Poisoners beat Terrorpins by 4.
Results (Home team first)
Terrorpins lose to Poisoners by 7
Donuts bt Massive by 4
Funeral Services lose to Skullcrusherz by 3
Outcasts bt Hoppers by 7
Poisoners bt Terrorpins by 4
Massive lose to Donuts by 1 (after extra time)
Skullcrusherz lose to Funeral Services by 1
Hoppers lose to Outcasts by 7