Dreadball Final 2017 – Central Community Poisoners v Outcasts

“It’s coming home, it’s coming home, it’s coming, Dreadball’s coming home!” Sang the Poisoners fans as they marched up Springfield Avenue to the Central Community Stadium.

Indeed, it is only fitting that the Dreadball final be held in the Galaxy’s capital (Wigan), which effectively meant the Earth Section Central franchise, Central Community Poisoners, played the final at their home ground.

Their opponents were to be the filthy Judwan, slime of the universe and all-round lycra-wearing menaces, the Outcasts, coached by Will the Beast of Nurgle (Warning! Universe crossover!)

The discrepancy in team ratings was evened out by the sexy Zees taking both Fingers and Van Hell Singh so add dexterity and strength respectively, alongside a random convict type, who himself packed a bit of a punch.

The stadium thronged with tension as the ball was launched across the pitch and immediately Fingers was on it, striding up the pitch, Van Hell Singh clearing the way and smashing the Poisoners into an early lead.

The Zees try to break down the Judwan defence (with Nurgle belly in background)

The stinking Judwan pigs responded rapidly with their horrible ability to do anything they want with the ball with virtually zero chance of failure. Will the Beast of Nurgle wobbled his seventeen chins in delight as his repugnant scum took the lead through the actions of [insert name of despicable turdbag here, they all look the same to me anyway, so what’s the point, damned Judwan vermin]

The game ebbed back and forth, first the Poisoners scoring, then the Outcasts. With the Outcasts having the last turn it looked as though they would be able to take the lead in the last rush and win, but coach Alan, in his amazing genius style, decided to wait for the odious curs to make their mistake, and duly they did.

Will the Beast of Nurgle’s bingo wings flapped in horror as [insert riffraff name here] spilled an easy pick up allowing Poisoner’s captain Moonfall to scoop up the ball and race towards the Outcast’s half with the intention of increasing their lead.

As Will the Beast of Nurgle complained bitterly to the referee, his cheating Judwan trash tripped Moonfall and the ball fell easily to him allowing an easy score.

Will the Beast of Nurgle’s gigantous belly wobbled with glee as his pudgy hands punched the air, showering the stadium with greasy sweat. Trying not to vomit, the heroic Zees had but one rush left to make a 4-point score. Van Hell Singh powered into the 3-man blockade of the Outcast’s high-score strike zone and Moonfall once again sprinted into scoring range.

The Beast of Nurgle holds his trophy proudly

A 1-die 4+ was needed to send the Poisoners into a 2-point lead and ensure the Judwan trash had to score at least 2 in their last rush.

He duly rolled a 2, and to add insult to injury, the ball ricocheted back into his face with considerable force.

Coach Will the Beast of Nurgle was magnanimous in victory, his vast expanse quivering with monstrous satisfaction as he exclaimed: “I told you I would win, you crap bastard”.

The furious Poisoners fans burned down their entire stadium and half of Earth Section Central (Capital: Wigan).

Final Score: Poisoners lose to Outcasts by 3.


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